Summer-style Sadness.

It is 27 degrees Celsius at half past six in the evening. During the day, the sun is unbearably hot. My hair is frizzy and I have uneven tan lines. Then I go to the shops and see perfect looking celebrities in the magazines enjoying their also unbearably hot holidays, I watch television and see perfectly looking models advertising summer wear or make up specifically designed to protect you from the sun. I am getting irritated.
There's been plenty of discussion about the effects the media has on young girls about their weight, their style preference and just their general attitude towards their own body image. I am currently taking a ten minute break from getting ready for a BBQ to write down my frustration with the media today. After exploring different summer styles on Pinterest, the majority of the girls advertising said styles look flawless, their skin sun kissed and their hair down and wavy in that classic summer style. Then I get really wound up when I try to do MY hair and makeup in said style and guess what - I don't look flawless. My hair is sticking out all over the place and I have a really annoying tan line where my sunglasses have been on the bridge of my nose.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to look flawless, nobody is perfect. But what bothers me is that the media pretends that everyone can look perfect and to be honest, I'm starting to be put off by their products because of the perfect looking people advertising them. This is because I know for a fact that the product will NOT have the same effect on me. I would be much more likely to buy something if a less-perfect looking person advertised it. Then the media tries to represent a "real women" who still has flawless skin and perfect hair as a size 10 instead of a size 6. Real women aren't just larger versions of models. They don't always have time to do their make up or style their hair in a complex up-do. Sometimes they get spots and sometimes their eyebrows get a little bushy. Real women don't have enough time to constantly monitor their appearance, measure the length of every hair on their body and keep up with fashion trends.
It also worries me that some girls really do take this stuff seriously. I'm 19 years old but I've got past the I-care-what-other-people-think stage. I don't mind taking the dog for a walk in the clothes I was wearing yesterday, sometimes I wait a little longer than is socially acceptable before I wash my hair and to be quite frank, I'm wearing shorts tonight but my legs are a little prickly. Do I care? No. Do you care? No. Young girls need to realise that no one is watching them or criticising them for their body image because everyone is so worried about themselves, thanks to the delightful, false representations of women created by the media.
So have a little confidence ladies, that's the best style to wear!

12 Things to do in Malta that show it's not just for the elderly.

When I announced to my friends that I would be moving to Malta after year 13, as happy as they were for me, their initial response was: "What are you going to do in Malta? Isn't it for old people?"
Despite there being many elderly people who live in Malta, there is obviously a whole bunch of locals who were born here and are - believe it or not! - around my age. So yes, there are lots of things to do over here and here is my list:

1. Hit the beach This one is the most obvious because Malta is an island in the Mediterranean where summer begins in May and ends in October. (I was still swimming in early November last year to be honest.) There are plenty of water sports available around the island or you can just swim to heart's content in the many designated swimming areas.

Golden Bay

2. Splash and Fun Another water related activity except this one doesn't involve the sea for anyone who gets freaked out by fish. Plus it has awesome water slides, a wave pool and countless sunbeds for burning under the hot Maltese sun. 

3. Malta Marine Park Swim with Dolphins and make friends with Sea Lions, Parrots, Iguanas etc. Do I really have to say anymore? Who wouldn't want to swim with dolphins?!

4. Lazy Pirate Boat Party For all my alcoholic friends, there are plenty of these "excursions" to pass as a "cultural activity" - the Lazy Pirate just being one of them. 

5. Normal Boat Trips And by normal I mean ones that actually want to appreciate the culture, like sailing to Blue Lagoon, Comino or Gozo or around Malta. You will find plenty of people on the streets on the sea front scouting for potential bookings for boat trips. Prices vary depending on the company and the trip.

6. Eden Super Bowl Ten pin bowling complete with cafeteria and arcade games. Unlimited bowling - 14euros each Monday to Friday. Can't get a better deal than that!

7. Eden Cinemas Just like in most countries, Malta has a cinema - more than one in fact!

8. Paceville Malta's main area for bars and clubs, offering a diverse selection of music, fast food outlets and Gentleman's clubs. 

9. Shopping Despite Malta being small and, as everybody seems to think, isolated, the island offers a large range of shops where you can buy anything you want. Yes, my friends, we are not cut off from civilisation. We have New Look. We have River Island. We have Debenhams and many, many more. We have plenty of Italian shops too. 

Sliema

10. Horse Riding Open all day - I highly recommend going on a sunset ride. The route goes along the west side of the island, providing a beautiful view of the sun on the horizon. 

Golden Bay Horse Riding

11. Paintballing I'll admit that I haven't tried this one... Only because I'm scared of it hurting me! I'm sure it's fabulously exciting.

Paintball Malta

12. Go-Karting Another one sure to give you an adrenaline rush!

Badger Karting

To be honest, I just wanted to make a point, simply because my friends seem to think that there's nothing to do here when actually, most of what I've listed can be done in the UK too. (I wouldn't recommend going to the beach in November in Britain...)  

So don't assume that we're all going down to the local pub to play bingo. There's plenty to do so get yourselves on the next flight over and I'll show you how we have fun - Maltese style. 

Update June 2014

It has been a while since I have actually written a post about my gap year so I thought I would write an update for anyone who is interested.

First of all, the most important thing I MUST mention (which you probably have heard about already anyway) is my new puppy!! Don't worry, I'm not going to go on a bender talking about her because I do that enough already. (Just in case anyone wants to follow Betsy's journey you can read my mum's new blog ''If dogs could talk'' at www.ifdogscouldtalk2014.blogspot.com ) But I will say that she is the most beautiful and lovable creature I have ever met. So yeah, she's awesome.

Second of all, I started a new job waitressing, again, at the San Antonio hotel at the beginning of may. I lasted a month and decided that it was too tiring being constantly on my feet and then coming home to find I have no mental capacity left to study. So that was the end of that. I have been looking for somewhere that involves sitting down a bit more, like being a cashier or something, but no luck yet.
In the meantime, I've decided to start taking writing more seriously and I'm considering joining Ad Sense with Google. I wasn't sure whether to post snippets of my writing onto my blog - if anyone who reads this could let me know if it's a good idea or not then I would be very grateful!

The temperature here has dramatically risen within the last seven days and my sweat glands were definitely not ready for it although I am very happy that my tan is now returning.

I'm very excited about what the summer has in store for me. As always I'm missing my friends very much (and being very naughty not keeping in touch more often) but now that I'm not out working anymore, I have lots more time to Skype!

Hope everyone is well,

Char x

Re-write myself.

I love writing. The idea of having a successful blog or having my own column in a magazine or newspaper or even (and this is really dreaming big) being an editor of a magazine really appeals to me. When I first started blogging, my first few posts were about things that people could relate to. I used to try writing a post once a week, but that decreased to once a month and before I knew it I was stuck with writers block and I would go months forgetting about my blog.
Then I moved abroad and decided to blog about my gap year. I did this for a few reasons: 1) to keep my  family updated on what I'm up to; 2) so I could remember everything that I got up to on my gap year and  3) to keep up with writing.
But what am I really writing about? Just myself. I never wanted to be one of those writers where every post is about their every movement. Yes, I have to include myself a little when blogging about my gap year but I feel it has become too self-absorbed. Yet, what else do I have to write about? This is a small island and in all honesty (especially at this time of the year) there's not much to do. I want to find the writer I used to be. I want to blog about things that people actually care about.
I need to find something that interests me, something that will keep me inspired and something that I can be creative with. My gap year is about finding myself and this is a part of me that I really want to dive into.

Losing myself.

I have spent the past 14 years in full time education and now I find myself doing nothing. Granted, I spend time with my family and Sean but I don’t do anything productive with my days and consequently, I’m beginning to feel restless. At the same time, my mind is having a battle against itself. One part of it is reminding me that I will be starting a new job very soon and in the meantime, I have the resources to be doing some studying at home so that I’m not a complete idiot by the time I go to university. Another part is like the devil. It lacks motivation and is becoming increasingly lazy. Unfortunately, this part is winning. Some days I find myself staying in bed until ten thirty and spending all afternoon sat on the laptop, wasting time playing games or constantly scrolling on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. I’m lethargic, I eat for no reason and the thought of a run feels more like a have-to than a want-to. I’m becoming a slob.

As I’m writing this, a part of me (the devil) is telling me I’m being harsh on myself but I’m hoping that reading it back and saying it out loud online will give me the wake-up call I need. Not many people I know chose to take a gap year but one person I know is definitely making more of it than I am. She is teaching children a skill in a foreign language and I am so happy for her yet envious of the opportunity she has been given. My teachers told me that my gap year would be one of the best years of my life… Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy living here and everything but I just feel like I should be doing more.  

I need some new batteries and some inspiration. So I think it’s time I got off my arse and found some.

It's time to grow up.

Is it just me, or was 2013 the fastest year yet? In my opinion, time seems to be moving faster than I can appreciate the days. Even though 2014 has only just begun, summer will have been and gone (although I get a much longer and better one living here on this sunny island) and the festive season will be back before we know it.

The start of the new year brings me the opportunity of looking for another job as hotels are beginning to reopen and vacancies are appearing. Another opportunity arising is the availability of places at The University of Malta. I recently checked my emails to find that The University of Liverpool had declined my application. Okay, I had no intentions of going anymore anyway because I want to start my life properly here in Malta but the rejection has knocked my confidence severely. Not only am I waiting for a call that should have rang yesterday from a job interview that I had last week, I'm terrified that The University of Malta will not want me either. To be honest, I don't think I can take much more and if it weren't so cold outside, I'd consider throwing myself in the sea.

These lack of options are forcing me to look at new options for myself. But what I am supposed to look at when I don't even know what other options appeal to me? How, at nineteen years old, am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life when a degree might not be an option anymore and most employers value either a degree or 'life experience' and I don't have either of those things?
Granted, I might be freaking out a bit too much but when all these things happen at once, it kind of hits you a little harder than if they happened six months apart. There are part time and full time courses available at a college here but if I don't know what career I want, how am I supposed to know which course to apply for?
There is also an extreme option which could help me get into The University of Malta if my application is rejected first time... I could go back to school full time and sit exams until I get enough credits to be accepted onto the course that I want. Why is it extreme? Ever moved to a new school where everyone is already friends and you're the new kid? Try doing that at nineteen years old. I can't just walk up to someone and say ''Want to play tea parties with me?'' like a brave five year old would. Children are brave and the older we get, the less brave we are. Social expectations and caring too much about what other people think stops us from saying what we really mean and doing what we really want - unless you're the kind of person who has the balls to do those things.

So maybe it's time to break my unfortunate chain of rejection, be headstrong about the person I want to be and grow a pair!

One to remember.

When I thought about my birthday being spent in Malta this year, I imagined myself worshiping the sun on a sandy beach with a cold vodka and orange to sip on. Being born in November has meant that every year I've had to deal with freezing cold temperatures and this year I was quite looking forward to a refreshing change. Except my perception of Malta in winter is entirely wrong. Although the temperature never actually gets to freezing, I certainly felt cold enough to be wearing three layers and my UGG boots. Yet, despite the weather, I still had the most enjoyable birthday ever.
I was treated to not one, but two overnight stays in a hotel. On the actual day of my birthday, my parents took me to the Seabank Hotel in Mellieha for an all inclusive 24 hours of all you can eat, all you can drink and a full body massage to die for. For the weekend, my gorgeous Maltese boyfriend, Sean, took me over to Gozo where we stayed at the Grand Hotel in a Superior room and contemplated never leaving. Both hotels were superb and I couldn't fault them.
The only thing my birthday was lacking was the presence of my family and friends back in England. But not to worry, I'll be happy to celebrate to the fullest when I come home for a couple of weeks at Christmas.

             

To live will be an awfully big adventure.

How do you know if you're making the right decision? Do you have to wait and see if works out? Seems a bit unfair, in my opinion, that the only way of knowing is if it blows up in your face or not...
I love surprises, I really do. And that's what life is - a surprise. None of us know what's going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year. If someone offered me the chance to see what my life would be like in 5 years time, I probably wouldn't take it. What's the point? If you liked it, you'd be conscious about every decision between the present and that future moment. If you didn't, you'd be constantly aware of the fact that your life is heading in a direction that you don't want it to go.
I can't speak for the entire population but I think people like to plan. I know I do. I take comfort in knowing where I'm heading, like it gives me a purpose. A levels, degree, masters, job. If only it was so simple. Life likes to jazz things up a bit. It throws curve balls at you and you can either hit a home run or strike out.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw

When I decided to take a gap year in a country 1,500 miles away from home, I didn't really think I'd gain much more than some extra cash, a few new friends and an impressive tan. Yet, the more time I spend here, the more I'm realising how much I actually am gaining from this experience. I'm learning so much - about myself, about life.
The first thing I've discovered out in the big, wide, working world, is the importance of my instincts. When I first came back in August, I got a job and after my first shift I had a bad feeling. But me being me, I chose to go back and stick it out. I wanted to give it a chance because, let's face it, I didn't have any other offers at that point. After another four hours of a gut feeling that was getting worse with every glass I polished, I decided enough was enough and made the decision to finish the shift and quit. People always used to say to me, go with your gut instincts. Now I realise how right they are.
I've also realised I trust people too easily. I'm too quick to believe that they're a good person and I need to be careful because being taken for a fool is a dangerous game to play. This is where my instincts fail me. Not all the time, but enough recently for me to feel the need to write about it. Maybe I need this post as a reminder so that I can change...
On a more positive note, moving out here has given me a lot more confidence than I thought it would. I'm slowly developing the ability to speak out for myself more (mainly at work - I'm still a mouse in a social context) and I'm also getting used to not having my family around. When we lived in Leeds, if I ever needed something I would go straight to my grandparent's house - here I don't have that option. Although I miss them immensely, I think the distance is what I needed. Otherwise I would have chosen to go to the University of Leeds and I might never have left. Now I feel comfortable with the idea of studying further away and I'm excited to see what the rest of my gap year brings me.

Home Video.

We thought we'd make a home video of one our days out. We don't usually go under the water, especially me because of my eczema. But today we thought, what the hell! Let's do it.

Happiness is a mood, not a destination.

I chose to have a gap year at the beginning of year 13. I felt suffocated by the heavy work load and stress so I opted to take a year for myself. To learn the things I wanted to learn, not because a specification told me I had to; to work and save money to avoid feeling like I had to live on bread and water at university and above all, to relax and have fun and just feel young and carefree while I still could.

Now I'm reading about all my friends and their new friends and their new lives. And I'm a little jealous. I want to experience freshers week and live away from my parents and I most definitely do not want to have to go through the entire UCAS application process again. Which I suppose is where all this is coming from. The stress of the application process. I'm spending my only day off this week researching courses and universities and feeling at a total loss. Living outside of the UK, away from the help of my school only makes matters worse. I want to talk to somebody and be advised and I want to visit each potential campus to find out if I get that yes-I-could-live-here feeling.

I'm aware that I sound like I'm regretting living here. I'm not. The more time that passes, the more I feel settled here. Especially with my new job at a hotel where everyone makes you feel like you belong. The circle of friends situation still isn't the best it could be but I guess when you move to a new country, these things take time. I wouldn't even mind just one best friend. I work so much that I hardly have time to go out anyway but I've had an idea which would require one friend minimum. In January and February the hotel that I work at closes for winter and this morning I read a fantastic article about why you should travel when you're young. So I had the epiphany of going travelling during those two months off. I don't know where but the thought is exciting. So we'll see.

The kindness of strangers.

Don't let anybody fool you that the sun is always shining here in Malta. The current weather is a refreshing change from the blazing sunshine that we've had all summer however I do feel sorry for the holiday makers whose time here is limited. They booked their trip with good faith that the weather would be beautiful.
The weather even managed to fool us. My mother and I decided to go to our local mini market for our daily essentials at which point the rain was falling but not heavily. On paying for our goods, the weather turned nasty and another thunder storm began. We stood and waited for the torrential downpour to pass over but after fifteen minutes, one of the shop assistants offered to drive us home. Living only five minutes away, we didn't think it was worth wasting his time so we declined and braved the rain. We got absolutely drenched and seriously regretted declining his offer! The point of this story is that I want to highlight how friendly everyone is over here. Nothing is too much effort for anyone and the towns are such close knit communities that you can go out for the day and it isn't long before you see a smiling, familiar face.

You gotta' show the world that something good can work.

I'll be honest. I got cold feet. This time last week I was still in England, enjoying spending time with my friends and family and seriously considering not coming back to Malta. I felt heavy, weighed down by choices and decisions. Time and time again I went for long walks, accompanied only by the thoughts in my mind, the pros and cons of both staying and going back. The more I thought about it, the further away I felt about making a decision. And then suddenly, without even really realising it, I knew what I was going to do - the day before my flight.
It occurred to me that right now, there isn't anything left in Leeds which could have made me stay. (Apart from my family of course, but I knew that they were happy for me to go.) A chain of events led to me acknowledge that a gap year 1500 miles away isn't such a bad idea. During my 10 days at home, I tied up the loose ends that were holding me down. I collected my exam results, passed my driving test, packed up the rest of my things and said goodbye to people properly - although I try not think of it as 'goodbye' but more of a 'see you later' because it's not forever, it's just a little longer than usual.
But anyway, the point is, I'm ready. I wasn't entirely sure before. I pretended to be sure because it was only for four weeks. But now I'm here for a year and I know I made the right choice in coming back. Let's face it, I would have only moaned and regretted it had I not.