It's time to grow up.

Is it just me, or was 2013 the fastest year yet? In my opinion, time seems to be moving faster than I can appreciate the days. Even though 2014 has only just begun, summer will have been and gone (although I get a much longer and better one living here on this sunny island) and the festive season will be back before we know it.

The start of the new year brings me the opportunity of looking for another job as hotels are beginning to reopen and vacancies are appearing. Another opportunity arising is the availability of places at The University of Malta. I recently checked my emails to find that The University of Liverpool had declined my application. Okay, I had no intentions of going anymore anyway because I want to start my life properly here in Malta but the rejection has knocked my confidence severely. Not only am I waiting for a call that should have rang yesterday from a job interview that I had last week, I'm terrified that The University of Malta will not want me either. To be honest, I don't think I can take much more and if it weren't so cold outside, I'd consider throwing myself in the sea.

These lack of options are forcing me to look at new options for myself. But what I am supposed to look at when I don't even know what other options appeal to me? How, at nineteen years old, am I supposed to know what I want to do with my life when a degree might not be an option anymore and most employers value either a degree or 'life experience' and I don't have either of those things?
Granted, I might be freaking out a bit too much but when all these things happen at once, it kind of hits you a little harder than if they happened six months apart. There are part time and full time courses available at a college here but if I don't know what career I want, how am I supposed to know which course to apply for?
There is also an extreme option which could help me get into The University of Malta if my application is rejected first time... I could go back to school full time and sit exams until I get enough credits to be accepted onto the course that I want. Why is it extreme? Ever moved to a new school where everyone is already friends and you're the new kid? Try doing that at nineteen years old. I can't just walk up to someone and say ''Want to play tea parties with me?'' like a brave five year old would. Children are brave and the older we get, the less brave we are. Social expectations and caring too much about what other people think stops us from saying what we really mean and doing what we really want - unless you're the kind of person who has the balls to do those things.

So maybe it's time to break my unfortunate chain of rejection, be headstrong about the person I want to be and grow a pair!

One to remember.

When I thought about my birthday being spent in Malta this year, I imagined myself worshiping the sun on a sandy beach with a cold vodka and orange to sip on. Being born in November has meant that every year I've had to deal with freezing cold temperatures and this year I was quite looking forward to a refreshing change. Except my perception of Malta in winter is entirely wrong. Although the temperature never actually gets to freezing, I certainly felt cold enough to be wearing three layers and my UGG boots. Yet, despite the weather, I still had the most enjoyable birthday ever.
I was treated to not one, but two overnight stays in a hotel. On the actual day of my birthday, my parents took me to the Seabank Hotel in Mellieha for an all inclusive 24 hours of all you can eat, all you can drink and a full body massage to die for. For the weekend, my gorgeous Maltese boyfriend, Sean, took me over to Gozo where we stayed at the Grand Hotel in a Superior room and contemplated never leaving. Both hotels were superb and I couldn't fault them.
The only thing my birthday was lacking was the presence of my family and friends back in England. But not to worry, I'll be happy to celebrate to the fullest when I come home for a couple of weeks at Christmas.

             

To live will be an awfully big adventure.

How do you know if you're making the right decision? Do you have to wait and see if works out? Seems a bit unfair, in my opinion, that the only way of knowing is if it blows up in your face or not...
I love surprises, I really do. And that's what life is - a surprise. None of us know what's going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year. If someone offered me the chance to see what my life would be like in 5 years time, I probably wouldn't take it. What's the point? If you liked it, you'd be conscious about every decision between the present and that future moment. If you didn't, you'd be constantly aware of the fact that your life is heading in a direction that you don't want it to go.
I can't speak for the entire population but I think people like to plan. I know I do. I take comfort in knowing where I'm heading, like it gives me a purpose. A levels, degree, masters, job. If only it was so simple. Life likes to jazz things up a bit. It throws curve balls at you and you can either hit a home run or strike out.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw

When I decided to take a gap year in a country 1,500 miles away from home, I didn't really think I'd gain much more than some extra cash, a few new friends and an impressive tan. Yet, the more time I spend here, the more I'm realising how much I actually am gaining from this experience. I'm learning so much - about myself, about life.
The first thing I've discovered out in the big, wide, working world, is the importance of my instincts. When I first came back in August, I got a job and after my first shift I had a bad feeling. But me being me, I chose to go back and stick it out. I wanted to give it a chance because, let's face it, I didn't have any other offers at that point. After another four hours of a gut feeling that was getting worse with every glass I polished, I decided enough was enough and made the decision to finish the shift and quit. People always used to say to me, go with your gut instincts. Now I realise how right they are.
I've also realised I trust people too easily. I'm too quick to believe that they're a good person and I need to be careful because being taken for a fool is a dangerous game to play. This is where my instincts fail me. Not all the time, but enough recently for me to feel the need to write about it. Maybe I need this post as a reminder so that I can change...
On a more positive note, moving out here has given me a lot more confidence than I thought it would. I'm slowly developing the ability to speak out for myself more (mainly at work - I'm still a mouse in a social context) and I'm also getting used to not having my family around. When we lived in Leeds, if I ever needed something I would go straight to my grandparent's house - here I don't have that option. Although I miss them immensely, I think the distance is what I needed. Otherwise I would have chosen to go to the University of Leeds and I might never have left. Now I feel comfortable with the idea of studying further away and I'm excited to see what the rest of my gap year brings me.

Home Video.

We thought we'd make a home video of one our days out. We don't usually go under the water, especially me because of my eczema. But today we thought, what the hell! Let's do it.

Happiness is a mood, not a destination.

I chose to have a gap year at the beginning of year 13. I felt suffocated by the heavy work load and stress so I opted to take a year for myself. To learn the things I wanted to learn, not because a specification told me I had to; to work and save money to avoid feeling like I had to live on bread and water at university and above all, to relax and have fun and just feel young and carefree while I still could.

Now I'm reading about all my friends and their new friends and their new lives. And I'm a little jealous. I want to experience freshers week and live away from my parents and I most definitely do not want to have to go through the entire UCAS application process again. Which I suppose is where all this is coming from. The stress of the application process. I'm spending my only day off this week researching courses and universities and feeling at a total loss. Living outside of the UK, away from the help of my school only makes matters worse. I want to talk to somebody and be advised and I want to visit each potential campus to find out if I get that yes-I-could-live-here feeling.

I'm aware that I sound like I'm regretting living here. I'm not. The more time that passes, the more I feel settled here. Especially with my new job at a hotel where everyone makes you feel like you belong. The circle of friends situation still isn't the best it could be but I guess when you move to a new country, these things take time. I wouldn't even mind just one best friend. I work so much that I hardly have time to go out anyway but I've had an idea which would require one friend minimum. In January and February the hotel that I work at closes for winter and this morning I read a fantastic article about why you should travel when you're young. So I had the epiphany of going travelling during those two months off. I don't know where but the thought is exciting. So we'll see.

The kindness of strangers.

Don't let anybody fool you that the sun is always shining here in Malta. The current weather is a refreshing change from the blazing sunshine that we've had all summer however I do feel sorry for the holiday makers whose time here is limited. They booked their trip with good faith that the weather would be beautiful.
The weather even managed to fool us. My mother and I decided to go to our local mini market for our daily essentials at which point the rain was falling but not heavily. On paying for our goods, the weather turned nasty and another thunder storm began. We stood and waited for the torrential downpour to pass over but after fifteen minutes, one of the shop assistants offered to drive us home. Living only five minutes away, we didn't think it was worth wasting his time so we declined and braved the rain. We got absolutely drenched and seriously regretted declining his offer! The point of this story is that I want to highlight how friendly everyone is over here. Nothing is too much effort for anyone and the towns are such close knit communities that you can go out for the day and it isn't long before you see a smiling, familiar face.