Re-write myself.

I love writing. The idea of having a successful blog or having my own column in a magazine or newspaper or even (and this is really dreaming big) being an editor of a magazine really appeals to me. When I first started blogging, my first few posts were about things that people could relate to. I used to try writing a post once a week, but that decreased to once a month and before I knew it I was stuck with writers block and I would go months forgetting about my blog.
Then I moved abroad and decided to blog about my gap year. I did this for a few reasons: 1) to keep my  family updated on what I'm up to; 2) so I could remember everything that I got up to on my gap year and  3) to keep up with writing.
But what am I really writing about? Just myself. I never wanted to be one of those writers where every post is about their every movement. Yes, I have to include myself a little when blogging about my gap year but I feel it has become too self-absorbed. Yet, what else do I have to write about? This is a small island and in all honesty (especially at this time of the year) there's not much to do. I want to find the writer I used to be. I want to blog about things that people actually care about.
I need to find something that interests me, something that will keep me inspired and something that I can be creative with. My gap year is about finding myself and this is a part of me that I really want to dive into.

Losing myself.

I have spent the past 14 years in full time education and now I find myself doing nothing. Granted, I spend time with my family and Sean but I don’t do anything productive with my days and consequently, I’m beginning to feel restless. At the same time, my mind is having a battle against itself. One part of it is reminding me that I will be starting a new job very soon and in the meantime, I have the resources to be doing some studying at home so that I’m not a complete idiot by the time I go to university. Another part is like the devil. It lacks motivation and is becoming increasingly lazy. Unfortunately, this part is winning. Some days I find myself staying in bed until ten thirty and spending all afternoon sat on the laptop, wasting time playing games or constantly scrolling on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. I’m lethargic, I eat for no reason and the thought of a run feels more like a have-to than a want-to. I’m becoming a slob.

As I’m writing this, a part of me (the devil) is telling me I’m being harsh on myself but I’m hoping that reading it back and saying it out loud online will give me the wake-up call I need. Not many people I know chose to take a gap year but one person I know is definitely making more of it than I am. She is teaching children a skill in a foreign language and I am so happy for her yet envious of the opportunity she has been given. My teachers told me that my gap year would be one of the best years of my life… Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy living here and everything but I just feel like I should be doing more.  

I need some new batteries and some inspiration. So I think it’s time I got off my arse and found some.