“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw

When I decided to take a gap year in a country 1,500 miles away from home, I didn't really think I'd gain much more than some extra cash, a few new friends and an impressive tan. Yet, the more time I spend here, the more I'm realising how much I actually am gaining from this experience. I'm learning so much - about myself, about life.
The first thing I've discovered out in the big, wide, working world, is the importance of my instincts. When I first came back in August, I got a job and after my first shift I had a bad feeling. But me being me, I chose to go back and stick it out. I wanted to give it a chance because, let's face it, I didn't have any other offers at that point. After another four hours of a gut feeling that was getting worse with every glass I polished, I decided enough was enough and made the decision to finish the shift and quit. People always used to say to me, go with your gut instincts. Now I realise how right they are.
I've also realised I trust people too easily. I'm too quick to believe that they're a good person and I need to be careful because being taken for a fool is a dangerous game to play. This is where my instincts fail me. Not all the time, but enough recently for me to feel the need to write about it. Maybe I need this post as a reminder so that I can change...
On a more positive note, moving out here has given me a lot more confidence than I thought it would. I'm slowly developing the ability to speak out for myself more (mainly at work - I'm still a mouse in a social context) and I'm also getting used to not having my family around. When we lived in Leeds, if I ever needed something I would go straight to my grandparent's house - here I don't have that option. Although I miss them immensely, I think the distance is what I needed. Otherwise I would have chosen to go to the University of Leeds and I might never have left. Now I feel comfortable with the idea of studying further away and I'm excited to see what the rest of my gap year brings me.

Home Video.

We thought we'd make a home video of one our days out. We don't usually go under the water, especially me because of my eczema. But today we thought, what the hell! Let's do it.

Happiness is a mood, not a destination.

I chose to have a gap year at the beginning of year 13. I felt suffocated by the heavy work load and stress so I opted to take a year for myself. To learn the things I wanted to learn, not because a specification told me I had to; to work and save money to avoid feeling like I had to live on bread and water at university and above all, to relax and have fun and just feel young and carefree while I still could.

Now I'm reading about all my friends and their new friends and their new lives. And I'm a little jealous. I want to experience freshers week and live away from my parents and I most definitely do not want to have to go through the entire UCAS application process again. Which I suppose is where all this is coming from. The stress of the application process. I'm spending my only day off this week researching courses and universities and feeling at a total loss. Living outside of the UK, away from the help of my school only makes matters worse. I want to talk to somebody and be advised and I want to visit each potential campus to find out if I get that yes-I-could-live-here feeling.

I'm aware that I sound like I'm regretting living here. I'm not. The more time that passes, the more I feel settled here. Especially with my new job at a hotel where everyone makes you feel like you belong. The circle of friends situation still isn't the best it could be but I guess when you move to a new country, these things take time. I wouldn't even mind just one best friend. I work so much that I hardly have time to go out anyway but I've had an idea which would require one friend minimum. In January and February the hotel that I work at closes for winter and this morning I read a fantastic article about why you should travel when you're young. So I had the epiphany of going travelling during those two months off. I don't know where but the thought is exciting. So we'll see.