One to remember.

When I thought about my birthday being spent in Malta this year, I imagined myself worshiping the sun on a sandy beach with a cold vodka and orange to sip on. Being born in November has meant that every year I've had to deal with freezing cold temperatures and this year I was quite looking forward to a refreshing change. Except my perception of Malta in winter is entirely wrong. Although the temperature never actually gets to freezing, I certainly felt cold enough to be wearing three layers and my UGG boots. Yet, despite the weather, I still had the most enjoyable birthday ever.
I was treated to not one, but two overnight stays in a hotel. On the actual day of my birthday, my parents took me to the Seabank Hotel in Mellieha for an all inclusive 24 hours of all you can eat, all you can drink and a full body massage to die for. For the weekend, my gorgeous Maltese boyfriend, Sean, took me over to Gozo where we stayed at the Grand Hotel in a Superior room and contemplated never leaving. Both hotels were superb and I couldn't fault them.
The only thing my birthday was lacking was the presence of my family and friends back in England. But not to worry, I'll be happy to celebrate to the fullest when I come home for a couple of weeks at Christmas.

             

To live will be an awfully big adventure.

How do you know if you're making the right decision? Do you have to wait and see if works out? Seems a bit unfair, in my opinion, that the only way of knowing is if it blows up in your face or not...
I love surprises, I really do. And that's what life is - a surprise. None of us know what's going to happen tomorrow, next week, next year. If someone offered me the chance to see what my life would be like in 5 years time, I probably wouldn't take it. What's the point? If you liked it, you'd be conscious about every decision between the present and that future moment. If you didn't, you'd be constantly aware of the fact that your life is heading in a direction that you don't want it to go.
I can't speak for the entire population but I think people like to plan. I know I do. I take comfort in knowing where I'm heading, like it gives me a purpose. A levels, degree, masters, job. If only it was so simple. Life likes to jazz things up a bit. It throws curve balls at you and you can either hit a home run or strike out.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw

When I decided to take a gap year in a country 1,500 miles away from home, I didn't really think I'd gain much more than some extra cash, a few new friends and an impressive tan. Yet, the more time I spend here, the more I'm realising how much I actually am gaining from this experience. I'm learning so much - about myself, about life.
The first thing I've discovered out in the big, wide, working world, is the importance of my instincts. When I first came back in August, I got a job and after my first shift I had a bad feeling. But me being me, I chose to go back and stick it out. I wanted to give it a chance because, let's face it, I didn't have any other offers at that point. After another four hours of a gut feeling that was getting worse with every glass I polished, I decided enough was enough and made the decision to finish the shift and quit. People always used to say to me, go with your gut instincts. Now I realise how right they are.
I've also realised I trust people too easily. I'm too quick to believe that they're a good person and I need to be careful because being taken for a fool is a dangerous game to play. This is where my instincts fail me. Not all the time, but enough recently for me to feel the need to write about it. Maybe I need this post as a reminder so that I can change...
On a more positive note, moving out here has given me a lot more confidence than I thought it would. I'm slowly developing the ability to speak out for myself more (mainly at work - I'm still a mouse in a social context) and I'm also getting used to not having my family around. When we lived in Leeds, if I ever needed something I would go straight to my grandparent's house - here I don't have that option. Although I miss them immensely, I think the distance is what I needed. Otherwise I would have chosen to go to the University of Leeds and I might never have left. Now I feel comfortable with the idea of studying further away and I'm excited to see what the rest of my gap year brings me.

Home Video.

We thought we'd make a home video of one our days out. We don't usually go under the water, especially me because of my eczema. But today we thought, what the hell! Let's do it.

Happiness is a mood, not a destination.

I chose to have a gap year at the beginning of year 13. I felt suffocated by the heavy work load and stress so I opted to take a year for myself. To learn the things I wanted to learn, not because a specification told me I had to; to work and save money to avoid feeling like I had to live on bread and water at university and above all, to relax and have fun and just feel young and carefree while I still could.

Now I'm reading about all my friends and their new friends and their new lives. And I'm a little jealous. I want to experience freshers week and live away from my parents and I most definitely do not want to have to go through the entire UCAS application process again. Which I suppose is where all this is coming from. The stress of the application process. I'm spending my only day off this week researching courses and universities and feeling at a total loss. Living outside of the UK, away from the help of my school only makes matters worse. I want to talk to somebody and be advised and I want to visit each potential campus to find out if I get that yes-I-could-live-here feeling.

I'm aware that I sound like I'm regretting living here. I'm not. The more time that passes, the more I feel settled here. Especially with my new job at a hotel where everyone makes you feel like you belong. The circle of friends situation still isn't the best it could be but I guess when you move to a new country, these things take time. I wouldn't even mind just one best friend. I work so much that I hardly have time to go out anyway but I've had an idea which would require one friend minimum. In January and February the hotel that I work at closes for winter and this morning I read a fantastic article about why you should travel when you're young. So I had the epiphany of going travelling during those two months off. I don't know where but the thought is exciting. So we'll see.

The kindness of strangers.

Don't let anybody fool you that the sun is always shining here in Malta. The current weather is a refreshing change from the blazing sunshine that we've had all summer however I do feel sorry for the holiday makers whose time here is limited. They booked their trip with good faith that the weather would be beautiful.
The weather even managed to fool us. My mother and I decided to go to our local mini market for our daily essentials at which point the rain was falling but not heavily. On paying for our goods, the weather turned nasty and another thunder storm began. We stood and waited for the torrential downpour to pass over but after fifteen minutes, one of the shop assistants offered to drive us home. Living only five minutes away, we didn't think it was worth wasting his time so we declined and braved the rain. We got absolutely drenched and seriously regretted declining his offer! The point of this story is that I want to highlight how friendly everyone is over here. Nothing is too much effort for anyone and the towns are such close knit communities that you can go out for the day and it isn't long before you see a smiling, familiar face.

You gotta' show the world that something good can work.

I'll be honest. I got cold feet. This time last week I was still in England, enjoying spending time with my friends and family and seriously considering not coming back to Malta. I felt heavy, weighed down by choices and decisions. Time and time again I went for long walks, accompanied only by the thoughts in my mind, the pros and cons of both staying and going back. The more I thought about it, the further away I felt about making a decision. And then suddenly, without even really realising it, I knew what I was going to do - the day before my flight.
It occurred to me that right now, there isn't anything left in Leeds which could have made me stay. (Apart from my family of course, but I knew that they were happy for me to go.) A chain of events led to me acknowledge that a gap year 1500 miles away isn't such a bad idea. During my 10 days at home, I tied up the loose ends that were holding me down. I collected my exam results, passed my driving test, packed up the rest of my things and said goodbye to people properly - although I try not think of it as 'goodbye' but more of a 'see you later' because it's not forever, it's just a little longer than usual.
But anyway, the point is, I'm ready. I wasn't entirely sure before. I pretended to be sure because it was only for four weeks. But now I'm here for a year and I know I made the right choice in coming back. Let's face it, I would have only moaned and regretted it had I not.

The Long Holiday.

Normally I'd be home and suffering from severe post holiday blues at this point. Except I'm not, because I'm still here and this beautiful island is no longer a tourist destination for me. It is what my parents like to call 'home'. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but I am a Yorkshire girl at heart and 'home' can only ever be in my beloved city of Leeds. Despite Malta being my permanent residence, these first few weeks have actually felt like a holiday. The Dolmen regulars (you know who you are) have been and gone and after 2 weeks of sneaking past the woman with the clipboard, I've decided to call it a day and resorted to using the beach. I have to admit, I do still feel like a tourist. I dress like one too...
The one thing helping me to feel like I actually live here are the friendly locals who have taken me into their group like a lost puppy. Despite not knowing what they're talking about 90% of the time (5% is football talk and 5% they swear at each other - yes I've already learnt some of the local lingo) we have a laugh and I appreciate them putting up with me. You will never meet anyone as crazy as the Maltese people. This specific attribute they are particularly proud of!
I'm rapidly approaching my four week mark at which point I will be returning to the UK to see my friends before they all disperse to university and to collect my exam results. This is when my 'holiday' officially ends. When I get back to Malta I'll be job hunting and (much to my dismay) helping out around the apartment. Nevertheless, I will approach it with an open mind - come at me gap year!